I think I won the penis lottery.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
