Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize