I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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