Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize