My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
