I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize