you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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