I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
