I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
