I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
