I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
