There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize