ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
