bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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