Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
