Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
