this boner is exhausting
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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