Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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