i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
