I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am naked and annoyed.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
