the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
