I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
