he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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