Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can I color on your dick again?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
