Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
