i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
