last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
