you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
