I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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