Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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