Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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