I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
