And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
