Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
