Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
