I think i sorta joined a cult last night
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
