oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
