it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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