i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
