The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
