Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
