The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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