it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
did i just pee glitter
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
