Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
