I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
