Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize