my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Terrible idea I love it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
