I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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