Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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