Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As shirtless as possible
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
