Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there was a trapeze. enough said
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
