I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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