the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
