All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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