How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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