My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
