This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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