Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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