if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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