Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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