that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
