I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
