i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
