I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
