1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My ass is underappreciated
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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