Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
