dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
