Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
