take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
