She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
