it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
