Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How naked do you want me to be?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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