I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize