She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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