I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The air was thick with penises
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
