you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
