Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Green mimosas i think yes
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
