I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
