hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
