That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
