tell your sister to shave her snatch
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
