Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
