Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
