officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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