Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Drake has all the answers
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
