Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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