My sheets look like a crime scene.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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