if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
